Oh yes…it’s an old bass trombone
Been buskin’, but not doin’ well
My valve is stuck
So it’s full of yuck
It’s dented, from slide to the bell

“OK”…said the wife, “Get ready”
“I’ll sit on your lap; make you moan”
Down came her rump
On to my slush pump
She sat on the wrong kinda bone!

My mute up her chute, an’ it sure did peeve
Went whoosh, up her tush; caused a start, and a squeal

(Oh) Yes…I’m a shite trombonist
Don’t practise; I play like a clown
No steam, or kick
Never hot like Wick
Can’t challenge for Don Lusher’s crown
Been buskin’ all day; not a pound

No glide from the slide: I should grease the sleeve
Wrong lube in the tube, an’ the stuff will congeal

(Oh) Mute…is still stuck inside her
No wah-wah today goin’ down
Not worth one buck
I don’t blow, jus’ suck
I’m slippin’ my ‘bone like a clown
It’s jeerin’ I hear; boos abound
(Boos abound)