Showed no honey, never seeing
you arm in arm with girl,
and the rumor was that you loved a man.
And so the people guessed.
We all noticed that you always dressed so fine,
but nothing was expressed.
Incessantly on went the speculation
in those slick-ick! rags in checkout lines,
wondering if you were loving somebody
whose gender ain’t from the root “gyne.”

Anderson, we know now girls ain’t thrilling you.
So, Anderson, you have made your aim true.

Well, you may not have a husband yet. . .
can’t have one in Golden State
because of Proposition 8,
where those kind of nuptials have been banned.
We salivate to learn your mate,
so from now on I am going to be gawking;
yes, even watch CNN I may
when your show comes on that lame channel in the night,
now that you have confirmed that you’re gay.

Anderson, we now know girls don’t fulfill you.
So, Anderson, I now will view
CNN—euw!