[instrumental intro]

I must "pee" real quick; my balls sure do ache
It's not funny; I'm in real pain
I must piss so bad; about to go insane
I must "whiz" soon to be OK

I'm gonna piss in the back yard
But I won't do "number two"
The lawn will absorb the moisture
But you must clean "poo"

I can't think; I've got to pee so bad, it's screwed
There's a line to use the can now
Someone's in there and they're taking a long "poo"
Gotta pee, or I'll have a cow

I've got to take a piss right now
My freaking nuts are turning blue
I can't hold it too much longer
I cry out, "Boo-hoo"

I really must pee, 'cause my balls hurt
Man, I can't hardly stand, soon I must spurt
That's for sure

[instrumental break]

Well, OK – I'll piss in the back yard
But I won't do "number two"
The grass will absorb the moisture
But you must clean "poo"
I won't poop

[instrumentals out to end fade]